I'm just not that into me
I never thought I'd muster up the courage to admit this to myself - let alone the readers of this blog - but I may be in need of a "She's just not that into you" book. As much as I disagree with the now infamous female version (salutations, Harpo), through boredom, sheer misunderstandings or, more accuarately put, a vicious concoction of the both, I have become disconnected from the opposite sex. I have rationalized it, unsuccesfully, on the basis of two postulates. My former belle was an illiterate Norwegian (bless her soul) that probably didn't understand my jokes but laughed regardless which attributed to a satiated understanding of, and overblown appreciation for, my own comic prowess. Reason #2: I have spent much of the past couple years in non-english cultures prompting a lethargic reliance on my uniqueness as an english speaker. Recognizing the saliency of both these arguments, a clearer picture comes into focus: the lack of a genuine 'edge'. A concept mentioned in the recent Napoleon Dynamite movie where Napoleon affectionately refers to the phenomenon as a "special skill."
It has become stiflingly clear to me how average my life is. There is virtually nothing seperating me from you - unless, of course, you have an edge. To be clear, an edge is anything that makes you stick in the minds of the opposite sex. It exists unfettered by the likes of 'good' or 'cool', as edges aren't measured on a good, bad, cool value scale. It can be anything from the ability to whistle loudly (two finger in mouth method), being "really good" with a bow-staff - as Napoleon suggests - or having one limb longer than the other. Any edge works.'Repulsive' and 'undesirable' edges don't exist; each edge achieves the same end. There is a market for anything, it just needs exploiting. It’s Say's Law: "supply creates its own demand"(sorta).
*A disclaimer for all potential users of the edge theory: use discretion. Don't lie. For example don't say your Batman when you're actually just Spiderman. Suffice with the edge you have, or come up with a new way of marketing it.
posted by EP @ 2:52 PM
20 comments
20 Comments:
This "edge theory" is a good one; however you are missing a very important point. One cannot recognize, or point out their own edge. It has to be something others notice. What exactly qualifies as an edge is so subjective that certain people may recognize it as such, and others may not, but that does not mean that it is not there. Perhaps you give yourself less credit than you are due, and have not yet encountered someone who sees what exactly your edge is.....
the whole theory is i guess okay although i believe that one does know his or her "edges" thats how we perfect them...mine is always standing out..i found this out as i child when i strived to fit in..then i found jim morrison..."why try so hard to fit in when i my self is born to stand out"...you defitnly need to stop be so self critical...remember who the fuck cares about anything as long as you are staying true to #1 and thats you...so just go for the cetch man insted of thinking that you need an "edge" to attract sombody...
Gents (...or ladies, but doubt it). Listen folks im not fishing for compliments here, just making a story out of nothing. And besides being self critical is healthy (not to mention a fixture in classic jewish comedy). No need for the Eliot aggrandizing here, ill be just fine.
This former belle of yours (the norwegian one). She's like fictitious right? Imaginary friend maybe? Ok on a serious note. Gals don't know what they want. So if you tell them they don't want you, maybe they'll do what they do best and disagree with you. And that my friend is how you get chicks. Works everytime. Especially if you're wearing a "no confident chicks" T. Or if you're Napoleon.
Your edge might just be that you arent that into yourself, maybe, if I may, we can call it your un-edge. As a relationship expert, being not that into yourself is the ultimate buzz kill to anyone who just so happens to actually be that into you. But maybe this is your thing, self loathing can become a successful calling card...if you want to end up alone with nothing but a bevy of cats. So buck up soldier, watch some Dr Phil, and let the healing begin.
Your edge might just be that you arent that into yourself, maybe, if I may, we can call it your un-edge. As a relationship expert, being not that into yourself is the ultimate buzz kill to anyone who just so happens to actually be that into you. But maybe this is your thing, self loathing can become a successful calling card...if you want to end up alone with nothing but a bevy of cats. So buck up soldier, watch some Dr Phil, and let the healing begin.
So guys get chicks by telling them that they shouldn't want them... got it, check.
And yes a harem of cats sniffing my throne is exactly what I desire, as long as none of them are confident cats, I wont have that.
As per the dr. phil comment, an unequivocal no dice, danny, abso-fucking-lutely (bonus scrabble points for using the "poll" jargon) not, over my rotting cat festered dead carcass. That man should be tarred and feathered, -the "emperor has no clothes!"
Hello Eliot. My name is Buckus and I have just stumbled upon your blog. I am currently reading He's just not that into you, and I really like it. I do however disagree with some of the things it has to say. I would love to hear back from you and invite you to read my blog as well.
you could be veering towards being a west coast, canadian, 20-something version of woody allen. is that the edge you're looking for? you're a self deprecating, semi-balding (sorry kid), sometimes kosher eating funny man. but if you're looking for something a little more stand-outish, you could always take up the bow staff, buy a lama or (and this will give away the anonymous identity i was enjoying cultivating), revert back to your michael jackson loving days. i doubt there are many 22-year olds out there with a silver glove on one hand and a copy of thriller in the other. the moonwalk may just be the skill you're after.
ps. good title, even if dad gave you edits, i'm sure mom would approve of the pun (as do i)
Just so we're clear here, MJ loved me - not the other way 'round - and that shit is still in the courts. MJ sodomy jokes... christ maybe I am turning into woody allen with these expired jokes.
Eliot- in furtherance of you Napoleon Dynamite theory. Your chances of success with the opposite sex seem to be linked with the amount of time you spend on this Blogger thing. I'm from Detroit, and I can tell you your LaFawnda prospect might be the only one.
touche.
In response to "Anonymous" @ 7:12pm. Maybe your childish antics of reverse psychology works on the seventeen year old tail you're chasing but real women in their twenties know exactly what they want in a man!
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Eliot as per our conversationas to the validity of the book "he just not that into you," the book is a gem of rare clarity. Women have for years been pondering that very question but yet never accepting responsibility for the ramifications because, gasp, could it be, someone just doesn't like me. This book gave us an unequivical "yes" and enabled us to finally move on, slightly bruised, but never the less still tits to the wind in our search for the real Mr Right. You may think its bull shit but every woman on the face of the planet wishes that instead of trying to decipher your bull we can just move on and be told the truth. This is a tried and tested method, if hes not calling its not because he lost your number, or he's really busy at work, or he had to suddenly leave the country to visit his sick aunt Matilda in Romania, no that sad truth of it is, he's just not that into you. And if he is and he's just "trigger shy", well jeez, I am a busy girl and I need my men with a little wind in their sails. So don't diss the Oprah or the Dr Phil, they really are onto something whether you like it or not.
I certainly don’t think its bullshit (entirely), what concerns me about the book is the culty following trouncing defiantly in its wake against things like thoughfulness, respect and remorse; all of which are central to relationships. It preaches to women (and, inadvertantly to men) that relationships are irrevocably linked - at least at their inception - to cold hard transactions.
ELIOT HAS EDGE! If you want to know what it is ask any American Samoan attending a snotty, girls only East Coast College.
Hi Eliot, I know you are not fishing for complements, but I have an idea as to what your edge is. While in Lan Kuai Fong, I got into a conversation with a few female friends of mine and it was agreed by all of them that you had one particular exceptional quality. It was that you were so approachable, and had the uncanny knack of being able to instantly fit nicely into any social situation. They commented that as a boyfriend they would be able to take you out to meet their friends - any of their friends - and their friends would all love you. That is to say, you are a man of all occasions.
I guess by saying "There is virtually nothing seperating me from you", you have hinted at this yourself. But rather than being your curse, it is your edge. You are like the colour white – not terribly flamboyant, but as it happens to go well with everything it is a real favourite.
But how would he get to be a boyfriend in the first place? Surely not because he may at times, if coerced, resemble wallpaper and silly putty. mere utility; vaguely beneficial. This is no identity.
I would suggest in your eulogy that you were distinguished by a persistent criticism of what you understood; that this criticism was qualified by objectivity, and that it manifested itself in cynicism, mild self deprecation, and honesty:
Perhaps that which created the edge theory is a function of your edge. Perhaps this forum is a vehicle for your edge. Perhaps this makes you the proud owner of a meta-edge.
Unfortunately: “an edge is anything that makes you stick in the minds of the opposite sex” and it is this effect which you claim not to have. You have defined yourself into obsolescence.
However, the careless use of “opposite sex” in the definition permits moms, sisters and female friends to be counted in edge-dollars. As it seems many of the comments on this site are made by those mentioned on this list, it could be claimed that you have stuck in the minds of females and therefore satisfied the requirement of an edge.
But this is mere conjuring; unless you have a date, talk is simply slight of hand. So until you find the link between theory and practice, I would suggest shopping around for some packaging: confidence, success, or genius.
Q
My dear Watson...
Throw me an optimistic bone here, surely self-degrading 'objective criticism' is not my edge? Heaven have you no decency?!Why must I shower in the pluvial downstorm of self-deprecating criticism, whilst others soak in the pleasant bath of confidence?
Soliloquy aside, Q, I think youre on to something.
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